So I havent posted for too long & have stuff to catch you up on. As much as I can give you as I havent always known what has happened each day for few weeks as like I said horrid illness & not seeing the fam hindered all my research. I need newby pics & updates of Evelyns week & will get this tommorow as we are hosting a Avon party & hoping to get lots of orders drummed up to gain some funds. Its a tricky job to have though huh as your always hoping on the people you deliever brochures to to not only order but to leave the book out or be in when they have a delivery* Ha, Kaylea to be honest has been a star with it all though as she lives so close to your route. I broke my phone though & literally have a 90's style model (do you remember when we both had the bt cellnets in the noughties & the text message would scroll slowly across the tiny screen haha. You were pretty much the onbly person I txt & you had to top it up £10 each month haha!! ) so cant recieve picture messages or take photos so bloody annoying. Hence the huge ipad in your face at physio yesterday :) You have been walking lots aided at first & now with just assistance from staff either side of you transfering you from wheelchair to bed & helping you exercise the house. You are in your own room now which is awesome as poor you had a crazy loud lady next to you for a couple nights & she kept you up all night long saying your name & shouting. Kind of cool though as they realised it was only fair to get you a nice room with huge window & door to outside garden/patio area. A gorgeous black cat came & entertained us all at the window yesterday as they go right to the floor he was army crawling & sunbathing (yes the sun did shine yesterday but today it snowed-fuckkkeeed uupppp!!) All the bubbas loved it & Evelyn said to me Molls loves our garden at nannys :) We sat in the garden whilst you ate your salt & pepper tiger bread & houmous but it was stupid really as sun wasnt warm at all & we were all freezing. We went & sat in the dayroom after but you were super knackered out by your session & I had a sleepy toddler gettin cranky so we set off home, missing you as soon as we were out the door. Cant wait to have you home :) 

Today you had a huge family meeting whilst mama had Bets. Your dad came down for it too & I still dont have much info on it but I hear it was to discuss your prospects & the links to gettin you home & happy & were the real work meets the real world. In a positive sense hehe. I saw on fb these pics of you scans from your CT that showed how hugeky swollen your brain was & then after the operation in St Georges. Will update more tomorow once Ive spoken to your mum about everything. I know for sure that you have day visits planned as of this meeting & over night weekend stays to get you used to then evetually coming home, wup wup...and you are tackling stairs tommorow, GO GIRL** super amazing body showing all those Drs there scarey worst case scenarios can do one** You are friggin super woman bubb xxx Love & light

So sorry I havent blogged in a few weeks. Back at work been manic & Jaspey off big boy school & got this horrid horrid illness but hey ho Im back. Had an awesome visit with you yesterday. Me & Jasper were gonna come up on the train again as he so loved the journey last week but was raining on & off & lucky for us Kaylea wanted to come too. We arranged to come up to join you in your physio so I could film it for here but also see with my own eyes your amazing progress. It is truley incredible how far you have come in these weeks following your stroke & my god every post talks of how inspiring you are but I was just so overwhelkmed seeing you walk & transfer from chair to car so well. Thats what you were learning in your session today, car transfers. You walked most of the way only slightly aided by one physio on your good side encouraging you along & actually acting pretty stubborn & saying you can open the doors & making sure nothing was too easy for you. Alli & I were filming it all like the paparazzi we love to be & all the staff were loving how many cheerleaders you had. Its all so positive and lovely in this centre your in. The Donald Wilson House, at the back of Chichester Hospital. All the staff really love u & are so pushing you on every day with new tasks & positive words. Got a lot to cover but will finish off todays visit & cover that all in next post** (again sorry its been so long since last update)

So you walked to the car to transfer in & two physios working with you talked you through what they wanted you to do & how to do it the very best possible & safest way. Its strange as we all take for granted being a ble to lift our legs into a car slumping down into the chair & pulling the door shut. Everything is so much more sharp & analysed now & every ones emotions are on point with everything now to feel & experience anything. 

You done the car transfer two times, no maybe three in the hospital car & then tried Alli's car that is lower (and messier haha sorry Alli but u called it out before we did**) You did amazing again & were desperate to stay sat there & drive to Nando's & to go shopping. I hear you went out with Lorraine & Bets last week shopping in New Look & went courtesy of a big taxi & stayed in your wheelchair. Fun adventure for lil princess no doubt, kids just love new ve-hi-cales huh!! haha...You walked from Alli's car for two mins up a bloody hill aswell* Pretty exhausting since you hadnt been able to have physio for four days over the easter weekend. You had small exercises to do to strengthen your legs & ankles but not actual full physio. You walked in total nearly five minutes on & off & the nurses were so amazed as just last week your legs wanted to cross over with each step but they said your hips were balanced very well & your legs were super strong. They were very impressed with the bend in your left leg & how large your steps had got. In just a week thats huge progress with half that week having no treatments!! I filmed every section of the session & at the end when we coming back to your room were Alli, Kaylea & Evelyn, Jaspey, Grace & Lells were I was filming & all the bubbas had lined up to watch you and were desperate to cheer you on but were told to keep quiet so as not to make you loose focus until you had sat down. They were so bloody excited & happy & seing smoosh's face light up when she saw her super mama walking towards her was just a dream, so magical. Their little innocent hearts just show so much so honestly. Bloody lovely. Love & light boo xxx

ps- Your mum updating her facebook is too cute. "How proud am I ???? Carly all down to you and your determination." her fb status yesterday-super cutee booty**

new videos I took on day visit Tuesday 2nd April, amazing afternoon watching you in your physio session work so super hard** 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejwb6MHphZQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U3er9b-gxGI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAmPndAIdLc

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Itd2CFxoF40

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGNGHxrcsgI

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GeDvOE_UQE

I am bummed as havent been able to get to see you in chichester yet. Its my long week at work & still cant bloody drive so all a mission but yaya im seeing you tomoro, was gonna come up on train but Kaylea is off & asked to join us so next week me & boo will do an adventure on the train too as he would love it. i will update more on here when I see you as dont have many details form your first few days in there yet. I know you were hoping to ride something today but turns out it was a bike!! Not a metephor for gigilo but hey ho that can wait! If not i'll sneak you a bullet in haha! Im so excited to see you & I wanna be in one time on watching you in physio, I'll need to get to you early but as coming with Kaylea that prob wont happen tom ;) We had a twinny day today as just needed some uplifting fun energy & we walked from sealane cafe to blue birds cafe, we had so much fun but bloody hell it was freezing & actually took us an hour each way to walk. Jasper & Roxy were bloody shattered hehe. But we fought pirates, played hide n seek in a forest, done sportacus jumps & handstands & basically acted like kids & was so much fun. We will do this route with you & smoosh in the summer for sure. Update more info tom anyhow boo. Love & light

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CYYnWH-ZuwQ&list=WLbvnCJcOtW9SG_Sp9ctNq4-YW1jLdFfdD

look how much jaspey enjoyed his cake today :)

I keep doing this. Its 12am & I have stuff to say...insomniac :(  So alot has happened again in these few days. Its tuesday 19th, nearly wednesday. Last post was four days ago & you are moving so fast that each day is so very different but its so hard to keep up as Im back at work now after my three weeks holiday!! Saturday you were extremely bored & gettin ansy so Lorraine, Joey & Kaylea arranged for you to be at the cafe for 12pm & if people could just show up then was a free for all so you could not feel so cabin fevered inside the ward. I had an ill bug Jasper sleeping thru terrible teething pain, his right top tooth at the back decided to break thru and come most of the way down within two days!! No fun** So i was stuck in with him as Gary was working but all the fam came over. Sunday was he same set up but for half two which was awesome as I finished work at two & was sad I was gonna miss you again if it was at twelve. Lucky me. So many people turned up. All our fam & Char & Alex with Maiyah & Marielle & Adam with Corey. So lovely. All the kids running around wasnt hectic it was animated & happy** Seeing Bets baby Corey & hold Maiyahs hand was just adorable. She is just so in love with her Jaspey boo to & kept squeezing him & if he talks a sentance clearly to her she almost gets annoyed that hes too grown up just like I do haha** She was so happy to see Gary too bless her they have some special little bond those two!! We had to take it in turns to get the seat next to you & it was totes two second rule on that one!! I managed to get a few moments with you :):) Managed to have a giggle & a kiss. Weve moved back to cheeks now just incase half your visitors feel their okay in lip kisses too, uh uh uh!! You are getting frustrated at having to wear your helmet when your out of bed, it is itchy & hard on your scar & makes you hot. I wish we could come up with a solution but for now this is your world & the frustrations are starting to show now. I worry for this, I worry( we all do) about what happens when you start questioning why you?? There is never going to be a logical answer. But on my lonesome visit with you that I was so casually in luck with we spoke about this. I heard a Dr say that after all the stresses you have had in these few years it seems some what that maybe your brain decided for your physical to reboot, restart & re connect. Pretty harsh way in reality but maybe for you words to hold on to. He was upbeat in his delivery of this hard knock approach!! I dont think its fair, none of us do even people who have supported me, my friends, their mums, their friends, they have all said its unfair. So many people know you Carly. So many people know of your journey & are stopping me to tell me how unbelievably brave & strong you are to deal with this all with your huge smile still on your face. Your beauty still radiating.  I fucking love you & am so in awe of you beaut. You have always had an extra quality about u, never really distinct enough to put a name on. Keep shining bright honey, shine bright like a diamond!!*

Back to my visit with you. Saturday evening I broke away from bath & bed time for boo in the hope you would need company & wanna see a make up free greasy me!! I walked in slowly as you were laid down back to me on your left like you have to be. I was going to simply kiss you whilst you slept but your eyes sprang open & you insisted I stayed as you were so bloody bored so was trying to force sleep to get out of boredom. This breaks my heart that I didnt show up sooner, that I cant stay until late as being a night owl Id just sit & be with you if you slept anyhow & be there if you woke. I got you connected with your wifi again so we could perve on you know who* Hes lush by the way & totally not what I expected, a bloody decent looking guy with no weird beard or piercings! Ha, over that thirty mark and your getting normal on us!!! (jokes*) I just sat with you whilst you typed messages & we googled Donald Wilson house

(okay had to pause & put my hands over my ears, couldnt find the remote & brokeback mountain is on & jut witnessed a very graphic scene "prude")

Back to you. Monday you left Worthing hospital early for Donald Wilson house. Its a neourolgical rehabilitation centre on site of St Richards Hospital in Chichester. (Not too far but a little too far if that makes sense, I miss you!!) Lorraine followed you to settle you in. You are on a ward with a quadraplegic lady who is your age. Ive yet to see your room so will detail all that in another post after Ive seen you, its hard to get info of everyone now we all go at spontaneous times. You will be doing intensive therapy sessions here each day & it has a hydro therapy pool which will be great for you to gain great balance & posture babe. Kaylea came & saw you today. She said the centre is really nice. Lorraine has been down with Evelyn all afternoon & she took you outside & smoosh jumped on the tree trunks & enjoyed her time with mama. So precious. Bloody amazing news today too that Roger has decided he will resume custody as it was before & so all of the stresses of court & fears were for nothing, again just silly games. But this blog is for wise words so enough of him. Will update when i see you about what Donald Wilson house is all about honey. Sleep well angel, Love & light xxx

AWESOMNESS< "SPONGE BOB STROKEY"...

look at the videos they have surrounded this vid with hahahahaaaa!!!!!!!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JBE3p1JU_4g

Last night I was pretty wiped so didnt post. I had watched the video Allison uploaded of you walking and to be honest it was just bloody emotional I got myself exhausted by crying!! Silly huh but the overwhelming pride, love & happiness just combusted out of me** I hear from Lau that you will be showing Evelyn your steps in a bit, how exciting she will be your lil cutie cheerleader. She is at school today & will see you after. I know the girls & ur mum were in this morning as I saw the car in my drive. I still dont have curtains up in my room & keep forgetting to not walk around in my granny pants & vest with my crazy morning hair!! I was prancing around the other morning & just spotted Alli sat in her car gettin her bag ready to come into you, I fell to the floor embarrassed coz she so totally would have seen me if she had looked up, maybe she saw me before I saw her, haha!?!?

Me & Joey came into you last night & Dad, Kaylea, Katy Mapes & Beaks were there too. You looked so radiant & strong & not as tired as you have been. We had a laugh all touching your spongey squidge side of your scalp, its like a water bed, so bloody cool haha. Katy & Joey cringed but did it coz you told them too haha! Joey also licked a peanut butter cracker even though she is disgusted by peanuts & nearly threw up, again she did this as a dare coz you told her too haha! You were on form funny! You were thinking of new nicknames for yourself, the funniest being Sponge bob Strokey!! "Dont u go stroking on me!" (jim Carey voice of course!!) Haha how you come up with this is beyond me, you just have totally embraced that this has happened to you & not showing any anger or negativity which is bloody strength of an army right there. You are so brilliant Rhubarb!! <3 <3

We read through all your cards (all 53 of them!! miss popular) & were giggling away at some memories people included. Carries admission of your thieving at Garrets on your £1.50 an hr wage haha & Charlottes lovely essay including the day we came over & Evelyn wouldnt sleep & you went in to check her & she was picking sock fluff out of her toes & putting it in her minnie mouse bag, I had forgotten this & was hysterical giggling remembering it** You had physio today & walked a short length of the hallway & also backwards again, Dave called that moonwalking :) You did it all with the most gorgeous smile & Alli put it on facebook & you had so many comments of support & love. Your just doing so brilliantly. Jaspers napping just now but Im gonna show him the vid when he wakes. He had his settle morning at his new pre-school today & absolutely loved it. His friend Hayden goes there & they hugged & him & these two other boys all held hands & took Jaspey to go play. So bloody cute* You had the Occupational therapist in to see you today whilst you showered so she could teach you techniques to adapt to help you in every day life. Alli helped & the OT also showed Alli ways to help you use your left arm & hand. Your speech & language therapist came in too & said your improvements are remarkable. She said your vocabulary & intonation are great & an improvemnet on last week (which she said last week was brilliant!!) I was going to pop in with Jaspey today but he is still asleep (pre-school wiped him out!) & I know your nan is in just now & Lorraine is bringing boo in after school so I will come in tomorrow instead. Yesterday I forgot to say you have this new contraption that you put your left arm in when you eat & it mirrors your actions of your right arm & hand & makes your brain remember & register the same actions to prompt your left side again :) very cool little invention!!

Okay few hours later now after I wrote the first bit of this post. Ive found out that this morning you walked forward & back three times the length of the corridor!!! You are bloody brilliant, such an incredible achievement, bloody hell. Superstar!!

Alli sent me some pics of your physio therapy session. She has been in on quite a few of them now & so enjoyed helping you. Laura & Lorraine came to see you walking today also. Proudest family ever** You txt everyone just now also to say you are being moved to Chichester on Monday, much sooner than thought but all your progress & plans have accelarated since the doctors realised how determined & able you are :) Love u darling, night night. Love & light**

note how different your Patient chart is from last pic! Full diet baby**

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151541762145610

words cannot convey the overwhelming love I feel watching this. Your true smile, your amazing body & mind working so hard. You are one determined mama & we are all crazy happy & excited for this moment!! Unbelievable babe. Love u so so much from us all :):) xxxx

Me & Jasper came over to see you briefly today to bring you some fruit & mainly because we saw a neenaw (ambulance) & Jaspey kept asking to "see Carly in the neenaw house!!" He was so sleepy from nursery but as soon as I said we were going to see you for a flying visit his energy perked up. He held tight to your pot of fruit we cut up together & off we went. Your still on Botolphs ward Acute stroke unit & there is just one other lady in your bay at the moment so it should be nice & quiet but unfortunatley some old guy (who totally stole your room for having diaharea) was extremely loud shouting, moaning & groaning & you had had to put up with it all night so you were pretty sleepy. Again huge news today. In physio you walked five steps forward & then five steps backwards!!!!!! AMAZING! Haha and theres Sam sayin to you just yesterday that walking to the toilet is a long term goal to look forward too, your like screw that I'll show them huh! Your so amazing babe & we are again so very proud & in tears of such hope & happiness for you. Shine bright....shine bright like a diamond!! :):)

When we arrived Lorraine, Alli, Lau & the kiddi's were with you. Evelyn was in a strop but cheered up massively once she saw her Jaspey boo. She invited him up on your bed to help open all your cards your mum had brought in. You had recieved these over the weeks at yours & ur mums house & they just kept coming!! So overwhelming how loved you are babe. Evelyn had been at nursery this morning & then with you after therapy but Lau & Lorraine said she was having a testing day, she will, & they understand. Its all consuming but you are doing such a good job still making sure she remembers her manners & kindness to make you proud.

 We only stayed a short time as you were tired & we were naughty actually & had come in at dinner time for you as I knew Jasper wouldnt last til after six without being grouchy. You has jascket potato & beans which seems to be a standard, Id like to say Id cook you meals & bring them in but I suck at cooking so going to look in brighton on Saturday for some Whole foods packs I can heat up & just bring to you hun. And im still on the hunt for those free from biscuits with coconut you asked for last week. You are having a visitor free night as you need your rest & Lorraine, Lau & Evelyn were coming back to you after you had had a moment to yourself so they could get smoosh some food in the cafe. Love u so much honey bunch, stay strong. You are doing so amazingly well & anyone I relay good news too is in such igh spirits & awe of your strengths gorgeous girl. We love you darling. Love & Light xxx

jaspey enjoying the statues outside hospital :)

 Last night we were asked to leave you be to become accustomed to the news of what Roger has done this week. Im sorry beyond belief that we couldnt tell you sooner & we all feel so terrible that we have been forced to lie to you but I know you will understand & we were fighting so hard & strong to contest this & basically we have & we have done good. Today your mama was in court & was awarded four nights & days custody. This is for the next six weks & then we are all hoping by then it will be your turn to have your day in court & regain your full custody primary carer rights of precious Evelyn. Wont go in to too much on this but you know what we would all be saying & you will learn what we have all done to fight his opportunist evil actions.

Today you had a wonderful visit from Bets, Joss & Lau. You had a great time reading to her even though it makes your eyes so weary but enjoyed every single moment with your little angel. During this visit Kaylea & James Lawson came to see you. All to quickly you were swept off to physio & Kaylea was able to come & join you in your session to document it & get pics. She was teary eyed talking of how amazing you done & how much your physiotherapists praise you & your great strength & willpower. I was in tears hearing this from relief of all the news we received from today & with such happiness for your abilities & immense strength. You really are so amazing babe & are just overwhelming all of us with your courage & actions. James, Lau, Joss & boo went to the cafe for a drink whilst u were in physio but unfortunately your session ran over some what & James had to leave without much time seeing you but he will be back. Kaylea gets giggly talking about this & says he smells amazing haha!! Kaylea has sent me a huge long message on how your therapy was set out & how you did. Here goes; First off you were told off by the therapists for getting up onto the bed too quickly haha. They then started with exercise supporting you to stand, using weight baring techniques & encouraging you to push your left knee backwards & forwards. You did this "amazingly well!" You needed to sit down after a time so the therapists worked on your upper body. You were asked to look in the mirror & watch yourself whilst you lifted your left shoulder up & down. You did this with brilliant technique & movement. You then laid down on the bed & got onto your side yourself adjusting & positioning yourself comfortably on the hand right side. Your therapist who I think is called Sam lifted your left leg & asked you to push back onto her with it. You pushed her very hard in the tummy & she joked that she could of kicked you off the bed & so you pushed into her even harder & you all had a good giggle about how fierce you are!! You then got comfortable on your front & the therapists helped as you had pain in your left shoulder from your fall, numpty* You were asked to raise the lower part of your left leg bending at the knee. You did this well & after Sam lifted your whole leg straight & upwards you were encouraged to do this action yourself but felt you couldnt. They explained that this technique is difficult anyhow as it is going against gravity to lift it upwards & it is harder on your front as your hip flexors are not engaged (well done Kaylea on technical observations!!haha) You have very weak hamstrings & gluteus maximus (bum cheeks haha) on both sides considering you have been bed bound for a fortnight now so the therapists werent concerned & will build the muscle slowly again & regain your strength. They all laughed that it wasnt just your bad leg that you couldnt raise so was dealt with humour & positivity as always with your brilliant carers, nurses & therapists. The therapists then twizzled your toes & feet & would position them in a way & asked you to reflect what way they had pushed them. You were okay at this but they noted that even on your right side to your brain was sending the wrong signals towards feeling on your feet as she would push upwards but you felt it was down etc. They will work on this intensively over the next week or two. They positioned your left arm alongside your body & you were able to raise your shoulder up and down. You also moved your arms out in front of you and were able to push yourself up & arch your back. They were happy with your back & shoulder muscles although they too are weak they were impressed with your mobility. You positioned onto your right side again & Sam put a ball behind your knee & you moved it back and forth able to keep your grip on it constantly. Kaylea cheered you on as they were all very impressed by your leg strength & core here & your therapists said you done super in this activity. You then got into a sitting position & brought your leg & foot upwards. You were asked to speak of your goals & desires. You said you desperately want to be able to walk to the toilet & although its not going to not happen the therapists wanted you to concentrate on smaller daily achievements. They have every faith in that you will walk again regardless but they said thats a long term goal. Also long term goal is your desire to pick something up with your left hand. They asked you to have a goal for tomorrow & you said standing alone. They stood you up right there & then to access what movements they need to encourage & explain what muscles you need to concentrate on, they let go of you to stand alone as they realise you were standing so strong yourself. You stood for OVER A MINUTE ALONE!!!!!!!!! This is fucking mega and we are all so impressed with you babe. Not two weeks ago you were so unwell & now your gaining all this strength & desire again its amazing & we are just so so proud of you babe. Kaylea said that half way through your left leg wobbled & adjusted to make it harder to stand for longer but you kept standing & sat down so proud of yourself & your amazing achievement that you had only just put into words & then actioned out only minutes later. How much more determined can you get!! Your therapists were so so impressed & joked that you needed a new goal again. Sam was brilliant with you & explained that although your recovery will still be a long journey with ups & downs she has confidence you will meet your needs & goals sooner than they first anticipated. Phyio then massaged your left hand & she could feel you putting pressure on her hands. She asked if you could squeeze her hand & although weak was very impressed hun. All very intense & tiring Im sure but you did so amazing darling. You then went back to your bed & were seen by a speech & language therapist who had visited you a week ago & was clearly shocked by your progress from then. She stated that last week you hardly had any expression with your words & speech and very limited eye contact which had really upset you. She was so impressed with the animation in your face & voice when you interacted with her & Kaylea & was very happy with your speech. She left when Sam & Dad turn up for a visit so no rest for you babe, your in such high demand & we all miss you terribly when we dont get to come in everyday. We have to rotate how many times we get to see you to be just fair hehe. I will be in tomorrow I hope depending on how tired you are. It was snowing so hard yesterday that I had to sleep over at mums as too unsafe to drive with Jaspey in the car & so we didnt get to come in to visit either which was so irritating. You had fair few visits yesterday too with your mum, Alli, Charlotte, Alex & Casey coming in after your double therapy sessions. This, plus the court case wiped you out so Im sure you werent too stressed with lack of visitors in the evening but we still all feel worried you may be lonely, bored or unhappy. I hope you promise to tell us genuinely when you want us to leave coz your tired or if you want us to stay longer etc. Back to today, Rachel also joined your troop & then Alli & Lorraine arrived from court to fill you in so everyone else left. Kaylea came straight to mums where we all were as no one but poor Gary had to go into work!! We all whooped & cheered over seeing how elated Kaylea was to of spent brilliant quality time with you & how animated she seemed explaining how you were doing in therapy & emotionally after all you had been dealt with today. She said she was unbelievably proud & impressed by her nut nut & really pleased she got to witness your super strength & determination. "She is one beautiful diamond shining bright!!*" Love & light sweetpea. xxx

Jaspey enjoying snow day** <3<3<3

Forgot to say & yep still cant sleep!! You had 58 STAPLES taken out today!!! wowsa woo, makes me feel dizzy thinking bout that but you said it didnt hurt & isnt sore now, highest pain thresh hold ever!!! Love u angel. MISS U!! xxxxxxx

check those bad boys out, all 58 of the buggers**

Happy Mother's Day darling. We have all been thinking of you today and feel so very glad that you had a special morning with Evelyn. It pretty much exhausted you for the rest of the day but I'm so happy u got some quality time on this lovely day with her. She made you a card at pre-school. More in a bit.....

Kaylea & Gary were the proud godfather & godmother today at Maiyahs baptism. It was a very small group of her close family & ALex's family came over from Italy (they are so lovely & so loud just like Alex!!). The service was beautiful actually & even though it went on for a long time the kids seemed to enjoy it somewhat & they had moments were the kids went to the middle of the church & held hands & had a blessing & then they also went up to get daffodils for their mummys, Jaspey was straight up there for me bless him lil gorgee. What was really special (& made me feel at peace with my thoughts of going to a church service) was that they had a catholic style alter that had burning tea lights infront of it. It was so pretty & me & Kaylea both clocked it & were drawn to the feeling of lighting a candle for you. At the end we went & done this & then the bubbis proudly said "And one for Evelyn mummy!* Nearly cryed lighting it & whisphered a prayer for you, I know nan & gramps heard & will deliver darling :):) Really lovely morning anyhow.

We then had a wonderful afternoon as we had arranged that we all would meet in the Shoreline cafe at 4pm. We got there & you, Joss, Laura & Lorraine were already getting your order. Mum, Joey & Dave were already sat down too. Jaspey and Darcey were so happy to see you & gave you the biggest kisses. Gary gave u a polite kiss on the cheek but I said he had to join the incestuous on the lips gang & so u puckered up to him haha, everyone is feeling the benefits of ur lusciously soft lips!! We sat & had a drink & Kaylea, Nick, Sam & Laura all turned up too. It was so lovely seeing you & your sense of huomour was still on point when the staff said chips couldnt be ordered until 5pm, you said "Go and tell him the cripple wants her chips, I came all the way from my ward to get some bloody chips lol!!" We did but it didnt work, so everyone got some munch at five instead. Sam was cheeky with u as always and pranked you saying "Look over there!" u did, & he stole some chips-your response was classic. "Oh thats right steal from the cripple!!" U are so very fun to be around & uplifting & light, such a brilliant attitude to how most people would assume you'd feel. I have to say my first desperate sadness surrounding your stroke was why Carly, why her?? It is so very unfair & I dont even know if its right to write down these words in fear of triggering your own upset, but just know, we are tested in this life, some more harshly than others. This will push you to gain the strongest independance & self worth. It, i hope, will make you realise how wonderful your life is & how in love with you your family & friends are. Even your Avon clients that we delivered orders to showed such concern & sent huge well wishes when we told them we would be dealing with your Avon account until your better. Strangers in the street not only stare in awe of your individual look, your alternative skin art & funky clothes but look on with such wow at ur stunning dimples & beautiful smile. You really are just so stunning Carly. Dad started the convo of how in every single photo u are flawless, edgy & beautiful beyond measure. We all agree not just to give you a boost but just because, u really are so pretty. And your heart matches your smile. Truley the bestest gorgeous lady & someone I promise to never take for granted again. There i go again all mushy but gotta add a little heart felt blurb in here ay!! The cherubs ran up & down like crazys in the restuarant & only stopped when Joey offered out her homemade vegan cakes she baked you. Bless her shes such a sweetheart & has become quite the baker. She also made us a batch & they were divine. Jasper had a spell on the naughty step which had Sam in hysterics at his lil chubby strop face, he had run off & Joss said No Jaspey this way & he hit Joss, naughty bubb!! He said sorry tho & Jose milked it like a pro recieving a huge hug & kiss after Jasper realises he was upset because of him hitting, hope this isnt going to be an often occurence now. He was just the perfect baby, please piss off terrible two's haha. Evelyn has been a cherub & has been so good for Nanny, Lau & Joss. I miss her when I dont see her each day now as I went a whole week seeing her beaut face. She is just incredible & such a credit to your amazing ways bubb.

You were so exhausted & after taking the piss out of yourself for a good hour you decided it was time for a snooze. We had to get Darcey home too anyhow & didnt wanna out stay our welcome as we were all a little loud & exciteable. You wear your helmet when you are out of bed & on the move & you have already learnt to get it on & off with your right hand. You have to wear this to & from the ward & excited Darcey & Jasper by promising to let them loose painting it for you to make it funky. Ur mum had brought a purple sequined tea cosey hat to see if you wanted to add some style to it, but you didnt, it certainally was not your style, Im on the lookout for some leopard print hats boo. I remeber you or Alli having a leopard print fluffy Kangol number when we were young, dunno why that came out on the page but hey its in my head haha... Laura babys you a bit bless her & worries when you shift position or when your wheeled along by someone other than herself, she is constantly touching you & trying to help but you are pretty fierce in your independance already & she backs off for a bit then starts the sequence all over again, hehe she really cant help it. I expect it feels pretty overwhelming at times having our faces in yours staring, poking & desperate to help. I hope to god you realise we have all felt so helpless in so many ways and so its our way I guess selfishly of feeling like we are Helping You. I have found it truley an outlet writing this blog for you & hope it can be a nice keepsake for you to look back on & see how far you have come from each day documented. Mum has cooked you all sorts & even cracked out the coronation sauce this week, Joey doing her cakes, Dad making you laugh & taking you for a spin (he wont let you mope, hes too up for a spin himself in your wheelchair & helmet as Im sure he thinks he can be reckless & the helmet will save him haha). Kaylea has become a chauffer, entrapenuer, dancer, singer & beautition this week & is actually seriously good at hot selling Avon to us all lol!! The boys of course just add humour & your family have held your hand every single step of the way with there pulses beating on your finger tips, connected beyond any level we will ever fathom. Your all fighters, your all so strong. And I have to say seeing your mum not only add herself to facebook but write sweet words for her amazing girly is pretty darn heartwarming. We all have the essence of that divine Nanny Light in us & it has shone through to give us all positives to stick with through ur trauma. Palms to the sky for that mama** Love & light honey bee**

Shine bright like a diamond!!! 

Lorraine joked that she lost so much weight she had to go buy new underwear in a smaller size haha!!! & joeys vegan cakes, bless her cute toot!!

I came to see you this evening. I wanted to bring the bubbas & Gary was so eager to visit too but you had a very tiring day & had a fall, wally mama!! So we decided it be best just I came tonight. You were pretty sleepy but seemed so happy (we all know why missi moo*) Mum & Joey were there too when I got to you. We over stayed visiting times but luckily as we were quiet & ur nurses are lovely we didnt get into trouble. I hate to think of you bored & alone if Im honest. Im sure id hate it & i so want to be able to tag team it up and we all spend a night by ur side each week. If only I was loaded, you would have ur own room bubb : / ** You had a visit from lil smoosh pie today, I think you said after lunchtime (she had her time with Roger 8-12) She threw a wobbly this morning for your mama as she didnt want to go to daddys, she wanted to be with you at the hospital. This doesnt surprise me, you & her, your just the best little team. I can only imagine how much you miss her but know she is cuddled too much too often & we always talk about what she spoke about with mummy, I know she misses you babe thats obvious but she isnt sad, she is patient for her mummys return & delighted in seeing you often. She is so unfazed by your scars & change of appearence, she doesnt care because she see's your heart first, we all do. She doesnt ever want to leave you but knows it is important to feed pip & let Molly in from the garden so she reassured you that she will do these & be back mummy!! Bless her* I have had such amazing chats with some of our mutual friends & its amazing how many people hide how in awe of you they are, they almost feel vunerable to tell you ur strength inspires them & makes them love you more. I may not always say the right thing or what you wanna hear in this blog but I will always for sure say I have always been so happy to be your family, your friend & have been so inspired by you as a mummy** You are incredible as one of my bestest friends & I love you dearly Rhubarb, always**

You have your phone & laptop on you now & manage to get wifi on your mobile which is great. You had been watching David Attenborough documentaries this morning & you can now see all the support & well wishes you have been recieving on facebook & just stay in the loop a bit. We talked about how you havent had real air for two weeks now & how surreal this is, you are being so patient & upbeat about your condition & I so hope your not just being brave. I feel that through all of this I have learnt a huge lesson in how deep & strong my family is & no matter how fragile your body is your mind is your strength. That is why you are so inspiring because your words to me the other day were "Well you can either laugh or cry, and I dont like crying!!" So matter of fact & motivated. You are doing so so well babe. You havent had physio today as its the weekend. You did decided however to do some exercise & managed to fall you wombat!! Stef came into see you & you had been in your wheelchair eating lunch when she arrived. She noticed you were tired & tried to help you on the bed but you didnt tell her that you are to go right on right & managed to flop your left side on the bed but didnt get enough on & ended up a heap on the floor. Not funny of course but maybe a little bit seeming as once I saw you tonight your actually fine :) The best thing about today is that although the fall was a bit of a shock & trauma you can FEEL pain in your left arm! And you exclaimed so excitedly that if you really concentrate u can move your fingers. Unbelieavble news, no words to describe how elated this makes us all. I have no doubts with you recovering to full form, your such a fighter, I know you dont always believe this & dont always display this either but the strength you posess is incredible Carly, you are a true inspiration. Will write this in every post until it registers as seriously cannot think of any new word to describe you haha! Apart from beautiful actually, you looked so beautiful tonight. Your skin has so much colour, your cheeks were pink, I massaged your hands & arms & your tattoos are so wonderfully colourful, so pretty** Your new hair cut would make most people appear manic but you are so stunningly pretty you even pull of butcher Alli's makeover!! I love you so much darling. Im just in awe of your courage tonight. Stay strong sweetpea. Love & light**

photo of boo obsessed with the soap msged from nanny :)

Cant sleep, heres a video I just figured out how to make on my laptop** love you boo. So so much. Its times like this you realise how true your family & friends are!! 143**

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=do6vEDbRrG8

I saw Alli's car in my drive early so knew today was shower day* How you have been looking forward to this bless you. You spoke of desperatly wanting to shower on Wednesdays visit & we all offered up our help, lets be honest weve all seen the birthing pics & your boobs are pretty darn perfect so no need to feel insecure hehe!! Alli came in (apparently geared up with a swimsuit according to her haha) & assisted the nurses with washing you & your physio turned up so helped & decided to get you standing after you pooped. This is a story u retold so Im not tryna shock you with something you have forgotten haha. You said that after all that has happened you didnt realise quite how close your'd get to your sisters hehe**

After physio was done & Evelyn got out of school she got to come in & see mummy again. You had the whole family over with you. Our mums, Alli, Lau, Kaylea, Nick & all the kiddi winks. Jaspey was zonked from a hard day of running like sportacus so we couldnt get over at that time but I got squeezes off smoosh at mine. She had enjoyed a day at pre-school & had decorated biscuits with Nanny & Lau for Special lady day. So bloody cute & she was very proud to be taking her nanny & auntie in. The staff have been so lovely at Boundstone & even Edwina has asked if she can come see you when your much better & up for it as hearing the sad news of your illness really effected so many people, the receptionists all send their love too gorgee. Kaylea sent me lots of pics of this visit so will add these. She said the kids really enjoyed seeing you & were all up on the bed sharing the remote & going up and down. Evelyn sits firmly in her spot on her mummy, owning her special place lying on your chest. Kaylea gave you a manicure & Lau helped you with dinns, chilli con carne jacket potato with coranation chick peas thanks to motherlaa!! She didnt even let us dip our fingers in the sauce, very jelous hehe. Alli also brought along some scissors & gave your dreadlocks the chop. Your hair the Drs left on the left side was so irritating to you & was so knotted up we couldnt get a brush through it so you decided it needd to be cut short. When you have your surgery on your skull again you have said you might shave all your hair off again & just start again, you kind of spoke of this before as you were so tired of dying your hair & gettin black on everything!! Kaylea played you Riri on her phone & you put your hands as best you could into a diamond, singing away merrily & reminising on Sams birthday party night when you all danced away to this song**In all this Rachel, Toni & a Mr James Lawson visited you too. Toni brought you a nemo teddy (you have joked that u are like Nemo with his lil weak arm!! always still in good humour beaut*) & James brought you in a funny book to cheer you up. All these visits knackered you out so you had a kip & all your entourage left at half six. I came in with Jaspey yesterday.We had quite a while with you but you were tired out after having visits from alot of people & my dad had been stealing your energy by getting u in your chair & going for a walk around the hospital with you. How sweet of him, hes been so positive in his words for you, he is bloody impressed with how well you are doing!! Jasper was in a little mood but so happy to see his auntie Carly. He sat on the bed with you playing with the remote for your bed position. He giggled away at the movement & bless you u just endured being flipped about for little studley to have a rocket ride on Carlys bed!! He was a little tight on giving out kisses & cuddles & I was mad at him as to me Id love to dive bomb your bed & snuggle the shit out of you haha!! But hey ho these bubbas will be choosey with their precious kisses now huh!! hehe. Lau & Joss bundled our visit too & had brought you more luxurys from tesco. Gettin a list goin each time someone visits, your'll be able to restock your cupboards for when you home at this rate hehe!! I couldnt stay too long as needed to get the bumpkin to bed but was lovely as always seing you looking so well. So proud of you sweetheart** I got to count your staples, my eyes were a bit blurred trying to count as many as you have but pretty sure i got it right at 58!! Bajesus-they look good though but you thought u had some staples & some stitches as the staples on the top of your head seem tighter than the side ones. We wondered out loud if they will take them out? Not sure how it works with major brain surgery* Can you believe a week ago you were in St Georges so very poorly & now your sat up, talking stronger & smiling with all your smile. Seeing that was just incredible as on reflection my first visit to you you were just so exhausted & didnt manage a smile babe, I dont think your facial muscles would have even let you if you tried thats how fatigued you were. You are doing so good in your recovery & I just so love seeing you each visit looking better than the time before. We are so proud of you angel, We Love you so, I love you beyond measure** Love & light to you, sleep tight boo*

Had an incredible visit with you today. Me, Kaylea & Laura came over at 4pm (Grampy got Jaspey from nursery & entertained him as he has the sniffles so didnt wanna bring him in if it turns into a cold*) We turned up & you were full of beans talking away & so happy to see someone to chat too. Probably a tad pissed off with us that we hadnt got there earlier seeming as visiting starts at 3pm, sorry but we have valid excuses hehe. We met with your Avon rep Sarah today to see if we can continue on with your account until your well to do it yourself. It seems a bit of a mission at the moment as you had double ordered & also you know your stock & we didnt. You had deliveries to do & orderes to gain, books to deliver, its all pretty intense but me & Kaylea managed to understand most of what she said & Joey & Dave helped us deliever alot of books so that made it all easier too. Hope we can get you some funds by doing this hun. 

You were so animated today & that blew me away. You were speaking stronger & your voice sounded like you again. You talked in detail remembering your stroke & the events of that night but being in hospital has been some what of a blur to you especially as you dont have a clock on the wall to know what the time is & its so easy on occasions like this to forget what day your on. You spoke of what the london hospital was like & of your annoyance that they fed you non vegan yoghurt & said you also rememeber being hoisted onto a commode & the nurses had faffed about too long & you could feel yourself pooing mid air, you said this with a giggle so its an experience you can cringe over & tick off the bucket list ay!! Although Im sure you will have a few more commode storys until your up and moonwalking to the toilet. Your words* You were so positive in talking of how well you had stood in physio. We all high fived & noogined to that* Your next step you said is to moonwalk, jump, hop & run to the toilet & take a dump in that bad boy that flushes!! Excellent & I so admire you humour in all this aswell as your strength. I know most people would take your lack of movement as such a flaw but you take it as a challeneg to overcome & that is fighting talk to the fullest!! So happy for you being so well & positive babe. You loved the pictures I sent in for you & we spoke about Evelyn. She looks so stunningly angelic in her school pic you have displayed. She is better medicine than any dr can give you & will be ur cure sweetpea!! As I said you were exhilarated with yourself that you managed to stand in physio. The nurses are teaching you to weight bare & have chanced it & made you put weight on your left side. Its weak for now but you will find those muscles & bootcamp them up to action in no time. You have a physio session every week day morning & will rest at the weekend. It wipes you out as your body is working so hard but you are able to rest well now you are in a quiet room & not having constant observations & tests. You have a plaster on your neck & we were all curious as to what it was for as I was sure the breathing machines they used were passed down your throat but your mum thought you had had a traceotomy. You hadnt, it was the simplest funniest answer. In St Georges food had fallen & dried on your neck. Through the night you had picked at it & just kept on picking creating a sore. So they had to cover your neck with a large plaster to stop you opening the wound again as you then got accustomed to scratching your neck. Even today you have marks on your neck & chest were you keep itching hehe. We brought you in some of mums home cooked soups & Kaylea had got you coconut flavoured water (for the nutnut*) & you really liked that. You were on form & being so silly & funny & when I asked if Gary could visit soon you said "Yes aslong as you get me some clothing in here soon as I dont want my quim hanging out!!" haha. You gave us a list of items, clothing & foods you want brought in. For physio you need easy clothing to move in & shoes so you dont slip & were very specific in the clothes you wanted to wear. This seemed like a huge step really as you always feel better when you get up out of bed & just wash & get dressed dont you!! We left the room for the moment so the nurses could assist you using the commode & your alarm started buzzing oin emergency which obviously scared the shit out of us & ten people all darted to your bay but luckilly it was just a lead fault. Good to see all the nurses, doctors & physios just drop everything & run. One of the physio's is quite fit but short & wears stupid illuminous trainers (mine & Lauras observations hehe) There is also this cute chinese guy who looks like a bulldog as his jawline is heavy & his bottom teeth sit outward from his top set. All your nurses are lovely & this one lady is such a laugh, shes a happy character to have around. You also have a Dr called Earl who I havent met who is transgender. When you came back from London you saw Earl & shouted Hello & shook his hand, he gripped you & said welcome home. He had worked on you when you were first admitted that Monday evening to Worthings acute stroke unit. The staff on Botolphs were you are now were so happy to see you looking so damn good. You are in a nice quiet spot & have this very old dear Elsie next to you but she is partitioned off with the curtain as she is pretty nosey tbh. We fed you some after eight chocs & its so sad really, she in nil by mouth & its as if she smelt the mint, we just saw the curtain twitch & she pulled it back to have a peak at what you were eating bless her. Beaking at your chocolate** hehe. It was such an uplifting visit with you & although you got tired very quickly it was just divine seeing you look so so well & seem so happy & content with your condition. Your a true star babe, Riri's song has been mentioned over & over but the words are pretty fitting;

Find light in the beautiful sea
I choose to be happy
You & i, you & i
We're like diamonds in the sky**

Shine bright like a diamond** You are our diamond beaut* Love your cheeseball adoring cousin. Night night bubb . Love & light*

Sorry I haven’t blogged for a few days sweetpea. Havent always been able to have a good chat with the girlies & hear all the news in detail & as they have had two hugely brilliant visits with you in London Sunday & Monday I knew it was best to wait until I saw them today to get all the news. I have heard amazingly positive things honey, you are doing so well & we all hold such pride in your efforts to recover & determination to get moving & stay awake each day more often, you are an inspiration & what Ive heard is all so encouraging gorgeous girl. Sunday, Lorraine, Lau, Alli & beaut Evelyn took the journey to London to see you & it was beyond amazing for you all, for you & sweet Evelyn. She was so so happy to see you & was unfazed by mummys baddy & the changes in you. She was actually much like you & fascinated. Grace came with them Monday & again the girls were just so happy to see you as theyd missed you so.

 On Sunday Joey & Dad came up to visit you too. They got nearly an hour of your time & were so overwhelmed to see you, dad really does have a soppy side. Joey was so pleased to see you, we had been at a spiritual fare event at the Charmandean today. We were all very emotional walking around & I felt like some of the people there were seeing our sadness even tho we didnt think outwardly we were projecting it. We saw Roz the medium & mum spoke with her. She was so shocked & kept expressing her sorrow & love & mums asked if it was appropriate to have a meet with her & she clearly said "Now is not the time, she has people with her." We took this as a massive positive as like Chris had said Nan & Gramps are certainally with you & we would feel bad drawing their attention from you so Roz said not now, she sends her love & will be thinking of you & sending light. You are being so strongly supported in so many ways. I got you a citrine crystal as the properties have always been interesting to me & Im drawn to it in a weird way. The description of citrine crystal; Citrine brings happiness, joy & optimism into your life. One of only two minerals on the planet which do not hold or accumulate negative energy, but dispels & transforms it. Citrine energizes & invigorates, promotes warmth, comfort & energy. Aids in matters of daily living. Not sure if it is really your thing but the crystal I chose for you had a rainbow shine through it when I picked it up so had to be brought honey :):)

On Monday at St Georges you had a physio session & a heart scan. You have blood tests often & all this is working to investigate the cause & treatment of your stroke. Lau noticed you right eye is slightly swollen again so this is being monitored. The flap flap woman Im sure fed you a yoghurt that was non vegan much to your disgust, but Mike said “Oh well, doesn’t matter as she wasn’t vegan in America either thanks to Ponderosa toast drizzled in butter!!” hehe. Got a story to connect with everything! Lorraine told me that you have had your dressing removed from your head & you have a ton of staples in your scar. Alli says this is to keep your brain from falling out!! Haha

And so there is today. I dropped Jaspey at nursery & went with Kaylea to your mums. Alli & Lau were there with Gracie. Evelyn is spending some more time with Roger. The girls weren’t visiting you today as your dad was down & we had been told you would be hopefully in a bed by this evening at Worthing hospital (which you are but will update that in a sec). Your Avon orders had arrived but much confusion followed as you didn’t have any documentation on what orders went to who, your mum is on this & has rung your area rep! Me, Kaylea & Grace put all the books in bags ready to distribute as we think it’s a good plan to keep this income coming in & you will take over from us when you are much better. Plus me & Kaylea have totally snagged that you get awesome discounts on things so totes gonna be abusing your account im afraid!!! Haha. You have been refusing food no doubt from the fear that there feeding you non vegan food so our mums are whizzing you up soups & good foods & smoothies & Im gonna get some bits tomorrow too. I sent Joey up on Sunday with the photo frame & Body shop spray & then realised without explanation it may have looked like I was telling you you smell haha, this is so not the case, I just hated the thought of you having to smell stale muggy hospital smells & felt that if you had a nice fresh smell sprayed on your chest you would get this aroma not the hospitals haha. Hope that conveyed!! You were helped into a wheelchair today & taken to an intensive physio session. Im not too sure exactly what you did in this but we were told you stood with help. Such amazing progress & Im just so in awe of your strength & determination, the two words that override every blog I write. Your energy & motivation is just so brilliant & I have no doubt that it is from seeing Evelyn that has given you your power. She is the best medicine you will receive & I strongly believe her love will heal you quicker than any doctor can. You are a team & the strongest one at that. Mummy power & all that but as a mummy to a mummy your relationship with that little smooshball is just outstandingly beautiful. Her lil happy heartbeat is all for you & she will give you the strength to fight this so much harder than if you didn’t have her lil face beaming at you by your bedside. Mush mush* (I LOVE YOU)

So Pip also is the star of the household at the moment & a great source of entertainment for the kiddiwinks. There is many pictures with that lil dude & the bubbas. He is a great distraction for when there is grown up talk, Kaylea (the brave one) goes with the kids & gets Pip out & they squeal & giggle about so the adults can have some peace to talk. Elliot has grown an addiction to my ipad & apparently it is there for my fault that he will be asking for one for his birthday & will be let down (alli if your reading this speak to Gary for the deal!! hAhah) No word of a lie I have on every occasion of seeing the monsters have had to endure at least two poos. Although now Im obviously wise to the I wipe my own ass side of things I just sit on the step & listen to their little chatter. Quite enjoyable in a twisted way. Gracie was talking about Jasper & he has a willy like Lells today, small talk really

And now to the best part of the day, we got the call at 5pm that you have transport arrived for you & that you are to be back in Worthing this evening. You have settled well & are back on the stroke ward, best place for you and with brilliant doctors again. You will need a lot of tests again & no doubt CT scans, heart scans & blood tests etc but you will battle this so strongly hun, we are so pleased to have you back so close. I feel at peace that Im just a two minute run away & my permits have come in handy which is a great thing…our mamas came into see you at half six to settle you into your own room for the night. You ate some soup made by mum & had a good chat but were exhausted from your physio & journey so they didnt stay too long. All the nurses & Drs were so happy to see you again & exclaimed how well you looked. Earl, (apparently a transexual who I have not met yet) got very emotional seeing you back & you high fived him & he said "Welcome home!" :):) Your facebook has been updated by Alli saying you are back & everyone is so happy & excited to be hoping for a visit with you shortly. A lot of people have updated their profile pic with a pic of you & themselves which was so lovely. Not too long & you will be reading the inspiring words of hope & love people have msged you with. You can update your own status & we can send you daily pics of Evelyn after her visits. Love u so much darling, you have had an exhausting day so I hope you sleep well. Always thinking of you & sending so much light**